Is it too late? Is there hope?

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgement and of  raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think a man who deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay, and again , "The Lord will judge his own people." It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times stood  side by side with those who were so treated. You sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves  had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence, it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a little while,  "He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back I will not be pleased  with him." 

But we are not  of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of  those who believe and are saved.

Hebrews chap 10 vs 19 - 39

+++++++

I will do my best to explain and give you what the Lord has shown me in the last 3 months. Much of what I understand and see is also shown to others. Most of us know that the days of the United States of America are numbered. If it is six months or 60 years, our time as a great empire is coming to an end. In the latter days of the Roman empire, the Roman government had run the debt of the empire up so much, that the Roman senate would not tell the general public what they had done. The people of Rome just wanted to go to the Coliseum and watch the Gladiators kill each other and watch as Christians were being fed to lions. That is an over simplification of history, but none the less is true, your average Roman citizen could have cared less about the debt created by the government, they just wanted to go to the coliseum and be left alone. They kept their heads stuck in the sand and refused to see the truth. The parallels of the Roman citizen and to a degree a majority of our population and the most of the so called main stream media is shocking. Many citizens of the United States of America have stuck their heads in the sand and when confronted with the facts they refuse to believe any of it. They choose the lie instead of the truth.

The man they choose as their leader is a reflection of them, he has printed worthless dollars to  pay for his out of control budgets that we as a country cannot afford. To make matters worse  the US Senate has gone right along with him, The democrats and republicans have sold the United States of America out to the lowest bidder. This once great place called the land of opportunity is on the verge of becoming the land of despair and starvation. You might ask was this done on purpose, the answer is yes, it has been done with complete disregard of our constitution and of the men and women who fought for this country,  We have a society that is run by fools who seek the change the church and Christians into a bunch of compromising fools. Churches who actually preach the truth of the Gospel and are not ashamed are told you must change, this is not allowed anymore. When the Roman empire was in power they would take the bishop of the local church and burn him at the stake because he preached that we bow to Jesus and he is  King. The Romans called this treason, would burn him at the stake. 

Understand I could write hundreds of pages of what our government and Obama has done to bring our nation to its knees and on the verge of ruin. Even the man who has his head in the sand and refuses to see the truth has to admit that our once great nation that was a shining light of liberty to the world now is starting to become like Nazi Germany. Freedoms that people enjoy are being taking away by government bureaucrats who have no right to do so. They only stop when taken to court and a judge tells them that they cannot do this. Our freedoms guaranteed by the constitution are slowly disappearing. The main steam media, with the exception of a couple are nothing but a shill for Obama's agenda, The main steam media who were supposed to inform the American people of the truth instead fill them with lies and news of the latest in Hollywood, people are more interested  in Bruce Jenner's sex change operation then the budget in Washington DC.  Sex perversion and filth fill the airwaves and people just stay on the same course never changing, refusing to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit imploring them to come away from their sin and come back to the God who loved you  so much that he put His only Son upon a cross and sacrificed him for our sin. For it was our sin who put him on that cross, he took that punishment and death for us and the very least we can do is beg for forgiveness and turn back to him that truly loves us.

Those of us who are believers understand what the Lord requires of us, no compromise, no turning back, only looking forward to when we go home to be with him. For our reward is not in this life but in a place the Lord has prepared for us. Each of us will have our own place that we do not have to pay
taxes on and if we want to add to it we can and do not have pay the local government a fee. Each of us will have all of our questions answered in an instant. Most of all we shall see Jesus and then we will understand how much he really loves us. You see his love is as real as the chair you are sitting on and as real as your child you hold. 

If you read the whole of the scripture that I put at the first part of this, You will see, compromise is not of God. If man can gain the world and lose his soul, and end up in hell fire, he has gained nothing but death. Christ promises us life and life eternal in heaven. 

Goodbye

Isiah 46 vs 4. I will be your God throughout your lifetime--until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.

NIV Isiah 46 vs 4:Even to your old age and gray hairs. I  am  he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you: I will sustain you and rescue you.

It was 14 years ago in November, my mom was on her death bed. I went to the hospital and made phone calls to the family, asking them to come and say "goodbye" ,my nephews made it, and my sister and my brother and his wife. It was quite a process, fighting back tears and trying to act normal. The last thing I said to my mom was, " I love you mom", her answer was I love you too, That answer  was what I needed all my life and at that very moment.  My mom on her best days was aloof and impersonal to me. She had finally let her guard down, and showed some honest emotion. She was my mom and I loved her, it is  as simple as that. Every bad or good thing she had done for me or to me did not matter. She was getting ready to step into Eternity. As scripture says  a place made by God not by hands. 


The problem with the death of someone you love is this thing called grief, it affects your life in so many ways. My wife tells me I watch to much TV, and  she is right, but it helps me to put things away in my head so that what ever is bothering me that day goes to the back ground and becomes a whimper instead of a constant roaring in my heart and soul. Now that sounds like I am trying to escape reality that I want to be off in my own little world and try to cope there, instead of reality.  Well not quite, but there is some value in that concept. The reality of the world we live in bites us every day. We are forced to lay aside our grief and our wants and desires and end up catering to a system that drags us down into a hole of despair and ruin. Then we have to claw and fight our way out and most of the time it takes a toll on us emotionally, physically and financially.



So the question is , how do we cope how do we manage to come out of this hole that life has put us in and at times we scream at God and tell him what we think.Then at times we fall on our face before the Lord and beg his forgiveness and ask him to rescue us from the situation. The rescue comes in many forms, most of the time its the peace that takes over your mind, body and soul. The Bible calls it the peace that passes all understanding. What I wonder about is why after 14 years I still feel the grief like it was just yesterday. Today I thought about it and then came up with some answers, do not know if the they are the right answers, but they seem to be the answers I needed this morning.

Number 1, I was a horrible son and I feel guilty about the things I did not do. Number 2 I feel guilty about the things I did. Number 3 , it was all her fault and not mine , there were things that happened that were beyond my control and beside I was a kid. Number 4, the divorce between mom and dad was some how my  fault. A long time ago I quit blaming myself for it. They were adults and it was their doing not mine. Yet it left a vacuum in my heart, some would call it a large hole. The thing that stands out in my mind that I was a scared little boy a good part of my life, and it was beyond my control. 

All of the above reasons numbers one through three are things that Satan uses to drag you down. In case you are wondering who Satan is , well he is the devil and he is real, Jesus told Peter,  Satan is like a roaring Lion seeking to devour your soul. All of us were most likely bad sons or daughters at times in our life causing our parents lots of anguish and turmoil. If you blame your parents for some of the stuff that happened to you , which was real and not imagined,, you have every right to But let it go and ask God to help you to forgive them and then asked God to forgive you of your unforgiving.

Grief is a funny thing, it helps you and yet it drags you down. I know I miss my mom and I talk to her and I talk to God and I can see her standing there asking God to help me, because like everyone else stuck in this. fallen world  I need it. I pray today for each who read this and ask the Lord to rescue you from your despair and your grief, and if you are resentful or angry , I pray that the Lord brings you out  of this. God bless you and keep you this glorious day.

Discipleship

Luke chap 9 vs 23-27
 23 Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self ? 26 If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. 27 I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God."

Discipleship, now that’s quite a word. This word is thrown about in churches like money at a political fund raiser. There are different meanings to this word, kind of like the word Holy, it has different meanings too. I read the word of God and see the word “Holy”, immediately I understand what it really means. But others read the word “Holy”; they take it to mean something entirely different, then the literal meaning of the word. The excuse, and I do mean excuse, they will give is that God did not really mean that and besides how can anyone live a life that is “Holy.”  Well God made us and He knows what we are capable of. That other word that was used as the title “Discipleship” has everything to do with the word “Holy.”

Jesus when he was here on planet earth, he had followers and then he had 12 disciples. The followers would go to the services   and they were the supporters of the Lords ministry while he was here. Jesus would teach the people, he would heal them and he would feed them. Most people were poor and ate bread and water as the main stay of their diet. Seldom did they eat vegetables if they did it was grown in their garden and surprise there were no Twinkies available then.  Most folks were poor and those that had a roof over their head considered that a blessing. The 12 were his constant companions; they traveled together and worked with the Lord in His ministry. The Lord set these men aside to become disciples. He taught them personally, poured his heart and soul into their hearts and lives and asked them to “come follow me.”  Little did they know what they were getting into?


11 of the twelve disciples were martyred, except for John, he was sent to the Island of Patmos and was forced work in a mine and live in a cave and tortured for his faith. Peter was in Rome and was speaking to the Christians there and was told the Romans are coming to capture you and they will kill you, you must flee for your life.  As Peter was leaving Rome the Lord appeared to Peter and asked him where he was going. Peter said they were going to imprison me and then kill me. Jesus then turned started walking back to Rome. Peter asked him where he was going, Jesus told him I am going to Rome to do what you will not do. Peter understood and asked the Lord to forgive him and I will go, Peter went back to Rome was captured and sentenced to death for following the Nazarene. They took Peter and were preparing to put him on a cross and there he would die from crucifixion. Peter upon seeing this, requested to be hung on the cross upside down, because “I am not  worthy of being crucified like my Lord.” James was stoned to death by a crowd of religious Jews, Stephen the first martyr was also stoned to death. Today in Iraq, the muslim group called ISIS is doing their best to kill every Christian left in Iraq. They have beheaded adults and children all in the name of their false god, allah. So the questions lingers in the air, do I really want to become a disciple or even a follower, because both require obedience unto death.


In today’s church we have followers and a few people who are willing to become disciples. Being a disciple means to be completely sold out to Jesus, meaning He comes first and everything else is second. People will say they are disciples and then drive to Sunday dinner with friends at a nice restaurant and will turn their nose up at a man holding a sign asking for food or work. Being a disciple requires getting your hands dirty, it requires to pick up the Lords cross and follow him unto death. Do we all have to become martyrs, the answer is no, but we must follow with obedience.  We look in the mirror and wonder if we are capable of doing this. Ask Peter, ask John ask the thousands of martyrs in Iraq. Then ask the Lord to make you a disciple if you dare and then get ready for an e ticket ride of a lifetime. There is nothing glamorous or rewarding in this life to be a disciple. If you expect one then you are going into the wrong way of life. The reward comes after this life is over, my wife will have her tree house next to her grandmother and I will have my little white house with a garden so my neighbors can come and get food from my garden and eat. None of this is much in the grand scheme of things, but the cares of this world will no longer exist and the well-traveled life will be rewarded You will not have to worry about your children and your grandchildren, It will be then that you will fully understand how much the Lord loves you and how much he loves you.

Darkness comes

Isiah chap 6 vs 8-13
 8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” Then I said, “Here am I. Send me!” 9 He said, “Go, and tell this people:  ‘Keep on listening, but do not perceive;  Keep on looking, but do not understand.’ 
10 “Render the hearts of this people insensitive,  Their ears dull,  And their eyes dim,  Otherwise they might see with their eyes,  Hear with their ears,  Understand with their hearts,  And return and be healed.”11 Then I said, “Lord, how long?” And He answered,  “Until cities are devastated and without inhabitant,  Houses are without people  And the land is utterly desolate, 
12 “The LORD has removed men far away,  And the forsaken places are many in the midst of the land. 
13 “Yet there will be a tenth portion in it,  And it will again be subject to burning,  Like a terebinth or an oak  Whose stump remains when it is felled.  The holy seed is its stump.”


This morning I was in prayer and listening to praise music. This scripture was brought to mind, by the Holy Spirit. This is straight out of the book of Isiah, which the Hebrews call the Gospel. To the Jew this is the Gospel of Christ, to us it is a great insight into how the Lord was approaching Israel and its constant disobedience. It became so bad   that they were sacrificing their children to the foreign gods.The Lord had given Israel and Judea chance after chance to repent, he promised to restore their land. Yet they would not repent and turn from their sin. They were to caught up in their culture to change.


I was born again in the 1983 and we attended an Assembly of God church, it was an old style assembly of God. There were some in the church that had gifts, others just pretended. My Sunday School teacher, had a great gift. The Lord used her to minister to folks in the church and to disciple those of us that wanted to walk close to the Lord. One Sunday morning , she gave a prophecy. It said my children the storm clouds are gathering the day will soon to night.. Stay close to me and I will lead  you through the darkness. This is all that I can remember of it, its pretty close to what was said.  Last week my wife was listening to a radio preacher and he told the congregation that the Lord saved the best for last.


I took each of these statements, at first independently , then I placed them together and the Holy Spirit gave me that answer this morning. On 911,. Arab terrorist attacked us and killed thousand of innocent people. Our nation for a short period of time came back to the God of the Bible, the God of Israel and the God of whom the foundation of this once great nation was founded. However it did not take, later on we had what they call the great recession, people have moved out of their home  and live on the streets and river beds , where they can to find shelter. The poor have gotten poorer, the rich have gotten richer, and the US government has taken in  more tax money, then at any time  in its entire  history, Yet this is not enough. The state of California is in a drought,  its the  worst in years. The continued recognition by state and federal government of Gay marriage looms over our country.. The  murder of innocent children continues, all for the sake of a woman's right to choose.. These are just a few of the problems we have as a nation..All of these things that happened was the Lord trying to bring our nation back to Him. But we like Israel are stubborn and will  not repent.


Because of the sins mentioned in the previous paragraph, we have come under judgement from the Lord. What made things worse is when the people of this country decided to vote in president who is clearly a muslim and not a citizen. Will add here a leader generally is a reflection of the folks who put him in office.


In my last blog  I published a called to prayer by Billy Grahams daughter, she believes that if our prayers are not answered at this time , there  will be a great persecution upon Christians in the USA. I pray that the radio preacher was right, that the Lord did save the best of us for last. To those of you that think that God will allow anything like this in our country, you are living in a dream. The abandoned military bases are set up to house thousands of people. FEMA, will force people from their homes to these place, most people who go to these places will go willingly. When the Nazis took over Germany they set up the concentration camps to kill the Jewish people. and most of them went willingly. The Nazis lied to them and told them you can go here its out in the country, we will feed you   and cloth you and give you a place to live and you will taken care of. As you know by now they murdered over 6 million.


The hammer of Judgement is about to fall, unless each of us repents and turns from our sin, after this is accomplished Then the task will be to rebuild the culture from the ground up, by raising our families and making sure that the local and state and federal governments , get out of the business of trying to raise our children and that we as parent and grand parents take a strong hand in this.This and much more can be accomplished if the nation turns from its Sin and turns to the one true God. Will it happen? Just grab hold of the scripture " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".


If judgement continues to come and unfortunately I believe that it will. The we must hold fast to the Lord and his promise of eternal life. Jesus told his disciples "In my fathers house are many mansion,  if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going to there to prepare a place for you." That is a promise that will be kept., so hold fast and  be  brave, Do not allow yourself to be drawn into the traps of the enemy.


A great darkness is about to over come this once great land, we must rise above the darkness and indeed prove the radio preacher right, that the Lord did save the best for last. God bless you this day

Time to take a stand

Romans chap 8 vs 37-39   37But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

As most of us know by now our nation and the whole world in fact are both in the process of making what I call "the Great persecution," become a reality. Those that are Christians understand that if we are Christians in word and deed then we will be persecuted. My wife and I fully expect to be persecuted  and maybe even our lives could be required. I will also add this; its much easier to be a pew filling Christian then a real Christian. Certain things have occurred in the last several months to open the gates of hell upon us. The pressure of the US government upon Churches to accept homosexual marriage and not call it what it is and it is SIN. This is major, the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah because of homosexuality. The men who confronted the Angels in front of Lots home, wanted to have relations with these Angels, The rest you know by now, the Lord blinded the men and told Lot and his wife to flee the city. After they left the city , the Lord destroyed the city.

This situation we have now is different, we are in the midst of a great judgement from God. The government keeps saying the economy is better , but yet we all know it is not. There are more homeless people then in any time of the history of the United States. The numbers grow every day, and the gap between the poor and the rich increases by the month. The US government has had a big hand in this, their constant interference on small business and constantly taking more out of our pay checks to pay for god knows what. The government right now is taking in more money than in any other time of our history, yet it is not enough. There are a few good men who stand up in congress and call out the men and women who are doing this. They call them out and main stream media calls these men extremist. The dept of homeland security and the US military are being trained to deal with domestic terrorist, and they teach in their training that if someone is a Christian then they are a potential terrorist. 

Our nation and our government has turned its back on the Lord and some of the so called main stream churches have also. In recent days, one church has allowed the Koran to be read from the pulpit. The God of the Bible and the God of all things is a jealous God and will not be mocked. These churches are not churches, reaching across to the aisle to religion that is against the Lord and his people is not the answer. It  is like Lord  Chamberlain making a deal with Adolph Hitler and then only to have Hitler break the deal time and time again. The Bible says you are either for God or against Him. There is no place in between. And there will be no place to hide. The Lord is preparing to separate the chaff from the wheat. It is time to stand up and be counted, or be lost.

Billy Grahams daughter is calling for prayer for our nation and for protection from our own government to begin July 1st and end July 7th of 2014, here is the link , I challenge and ask all who read this blog and to read what she has written and then pray and ask the Lord to forgive us our sins so that perhaps if he sees fit our nation can be restored. Most of all pray that the Lord puts a hedge about you and yours and protects you and pray that the Lord will give you the courage to face the coming persecution. God bless all who read this. Below is the link you should read.


In all of this, the Lord is faithful and this persecution or anything else can not separate us from God. But it is up to each of us individually to make a right choice. So we must hang on and stand up for Jesus. We have to be strong in the Lord, trying to do this in our own strength will not happen. Lean upon the Lord and He will bring you through it.

http://www.annegrahamlotz.com/events/urgent-call-to-prayer/

No short cuts allowed

Philippians chap 2 vs 12-18

12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. 14 Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16 as you hold out the word of life--in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. 17 But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. 18 So you too should be glad and rejoice with me


Its a long process in life to go from a little boy to a man, in physical life and in your walk as a christian.
We start out as little children just taking the simple and easy things of the word of God and applying them to our life. Things that have happened to us along the way have shaped us and made us into what is acceptable before God


A little boy in third grade was making a gift for his mom. He poured his heart and soul into the gift, He felt the gift was inadequate. You see he did not have any talent for art or building things. This was evident in the gift he made. But he made the gift with love,  he wanted his mom to really like the gift and hug him and tell him thank you. He put the gift in small package and stapled the paper around the gift. He walked home from school. dreading what was going to happen. He walked into the house and found his mom in the kitchen. He told his mom , "happy mothers day mom", then handed her the gift. His mom opened it up and looked at it and said thats fair and said thank you.. The little boy was crushed he would never again take a chance and do anything like that for his mom or anyone else. This incident cut the young mans heart, he felt betrayed and unloved. 


There was another little boy, growing up in the same neighborhood. Like the other little  boy he spent time at school making a mothers day gift for his mom. He took the gift home to his mom and she hugged him and told him thank you and then proudly displayed it to her friends. This little boy grew up confident and unafraid of life,, he could actually love someone and not feel insecure about it. He accomplished a lot  by the worlds standards, but he did not concern himself with the cares of this world, he committed his life to Jesus and never looked back. He has  been successful because of what the Lord  has done for him.



The other young man often made bad choices, he used drugs and became and alcoholic and would have died. Had it not been for the Lord seeking him and bringing him back from the edge of death. The young man became a Christian by surrendering his life to Jesus and realized that he had just gave up his life and gave up his rights and his pride and envy and simply lived a life that some would say was not successful. But if you ask him he will tell you , I have been successful. 


Funny about reading your bible, first off you have to read it and second you have to apply the teachings to your life. In reading my bible, I find that success is not how much money you have in the bank or how many toys or how big and fancy your home is. Success is measured by a man who walked upon this planet and did not own a home or a car or even a smart phone. He owned a coat to stay warm with and then gave that away. He came upon a man one day and asked him , do you want to see and the man said yes Lord, and then the Lord healed him. The Lord went out and preached the kingdom of heaven and walked in great love. I am not a bright man but I would call what Jesus did a success. 



As far as accomplishments, well Jesus died upon a cross for "our sin" and for "your sin" and then rose from the dead 3 days later and proved to the world that this man, a carpenter from Nazareth was indeed God. Jesus stands at the door of each man and womans heart and ask "can I come in."



The problem with toys and money and some relationship is that they go away they do not last. This life in the body you have now will not last. The Lord offers eternal life in heaven. 


This video on here is for my wife, she is kind and honest and a woman of integrity. The Lord has blessed me. Just click on the link and it will put you on the video.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xzaivDbu9c

A Christmas wish

For unto us a Child is born,
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
7 Of the increase of His government and peace
There will be no end,
Upon the throne of David and over His kingdom,
To order it and establish it with judgment and justice
From that time forward, even forever.
The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this. 



It is Christmas day 2013, it was on this day over 2000 years ago that God in flesh was born of a virgin in a little tiny town in ancient Israel called Bethlehem. Most know the journey of Mary and Joseph and the hardships they had to endure to bring Jesus into the world. One does wonder why would the King of Kings be  born in a stable and introduced only to a select few. I do not pretend to know the mind of God in this matter, but can only convey to you what I believe was the Lords mind here. 


He was born in humble beginnings because he came for all of man kind not just the elite or rich. He came so that we would have life and have it more abundant. The first Christmas was memorable and no matter what the government does to try to take that away and erase it from the landscape they will never be successful. Because some old stubborn man like me will remind them and others that Christmas is about Jesus. Not a tree in front of a big house, or some guy in a red suit.


In 1964 I was living with my mom and step dad in Grover City California, it is now called Grover Beach. We were very poor and had a tough time, my mom did what she could to make things last , from the food to the clothes we wore. That particular Christmas was tough, I had been sick with the flu for a month and missed 3 weeks of school. My younger sister was made happy more easily then me. She liked the idea of getting a new doll for Christmas. Where as I did not know what I wanted for Christmas. I was searching then and did not know it. I just knew I had a big empty spot in my heart, I felt alone and felt like I did not have any support at all from my family. My Dad lived in Fresno and I could not stand my step mother, at best it was difficult. 


I remember opening up a present my mom had given me, she bought me a brand new bath robe, made from terry cloth. Much like the one I have now, I think that's why I like it so much. However at the time, it represented every heartache and disappointment that I had ever had as a child. The family opened up their gifts and I sat there and all I could do was be quiet and try to act like everything was alright. My mom knew something was wrong and she asked me what was wrong, I told her nothing and refused to talk about it.
I wanted more and knew she could not give me more, she had done what she could. I needed to learn to be happy with what I have, it was a good lesson. The empty spot in my chest never quite went away and every Christmas after that I would feel it. 


Little did I know it was the Lord calling me to him, trying to tell me I have what you need. I have the best gift in the world, and I came to earth just for you so you can have this gift. At the age of 33, I ran to an alter and asked Jesus into my life. I have made mistakes since then and I have sinned along the way. You need to understand this that God is faithful and forgives sin, even the worst sinner can be forgiven. 

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So as I sit here and eat grilled cheese sandwiches and look back at my life, I realize how blessed I have been. God has been good to me , much better then I deserve. Soon my time like every one else on earth will be done, I will step from life to death to eternity. There will be a reunion, I will see my mom and hug her and tell her how much I have missed her and how much I appreciated her being my mom, most of I will be able to tell her "mom I love you."


So what is your Christmas wish this year, is it for a good life for you children and grandchildren, is it reconciliation with someone you love. What ever it is, I pray that you get your Christmas wish. God bless you this wonderful day