Friday, February 13, 2015

Goodbye

Isiah 46 vs 4. I will be your God throughout your lifetime--until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.
NIV Isiah 46 vs 4:Even to your old age and gray hairs. I  am  he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you: I will sustain you and rescue you.



It was 14 years ago in November, my mom was on her death bed. I went to the hospital and made phone calls to the family, asking them to come and say "goodbye" ,my nephews made it, and my sister and my brother and his wife. It was quite a process, fighting back tears and trying to act normal. The last thing I said to my mom was, " I love you mom", her answer was I love you too, That answer  was what I needed all my life and at that very moment.  My mom on her best days was aloof and impersonal to me. She had finally let her guard down, and showed some honest emotion. She was my mom and I loved her, it is  as simple as that. Every bad or good thing she had done for me or to me did not matter. She was getting ready to step into Eternity. As scripture says  a place made by God not by hands. 


The problem with the death of someone you love is this thing called grief, it affects your life in so many ways. My wife tells me I watch to much TV, and  she is right, but it helps me to put things away in my head so that what ever is bothering me that day goes to the back ground and becomes a whimper instead of a constant roaring in my heart and soul. Now that sounds like I am trying to escape reality that I want to be off in my own little world and try to cope there, instead of reality.  Well not quite, but there is some value in that concept. The reality of the world we live in bites us every day. We are forced to lay aside our grief and our wants and desires and end up catering to a system that drags us down into a hole of despair and ruin. Then we have to claw and fight our way out and most of the time it takes a toll on us emotionally, physically and financially.



So the question is , how do we cope how do we manage to come out of this hole that life has put us in and at times we scream at God and tell him what we think.Then at times we fall on our face before the Lord and beg his forgiveness and ask him to rescue us from the situation. The rescue comes in many forms, most of the time its the peace that takes over your mind, body and soul. The Bible calls it the peace that passes all understanding. What I wonder about is why after 14 years I still feel the grief like it was just yesterday. Today I thought about it and then came up with some answers, do not know if the they are the right answers, but they seem to be the answers I needed this morning.



Number 1, I was a horrible son and I feel guilty about the things I did not do. Number 2 I feel guilty about the things I did. Number 3 , it was all her fault and not mine , there were things that happened that were beyond my control and beside I was a kid. Number 4, the divorce between mom and dad was some how my  fault. A long time ago I quit blaming myself for it. They were adults and it was their doing not mine. Yet it left a vacuum in my heart, some would call it a large hole. The thing that stands out in my mind that I was a scared little boy a good part of my life, and it was beyond my control. 


All of the above reasons numbers one through three are things that Satan uses to drag you down. In case you are wondering who Satan is , well he is the devil and he is real, Jesus told Peter,  Satan is like a roaring Lion seeking to devour your soul. All of us were most likely bad sons or daughters at times in our life causing our parents lots of anguish and turmoil. If you blame your parents for some of the stuff that happened to you , which was real and not imagined,, you have every right to But let it go and ask God to help you to forgive them and then asked God to forgive you of your unforgiving.


Grief is a funny thing, it helps you and yet it drags you down. I know I miss my mom and I talk to her and I talk to God and I can see her standing there asking God to help me, because like everyone else stuck in this. fallen world  I need it. I pray today for each who read this and ask the Lord to rescue you from your despair and your grief, and if you are resentful or angry , I pray that the Lord brings you out  of this. God bless you and keep you this glorious day.